22.05.2017

Terrorism is something that I’ve always seen as something that happens somewhere else. Last night I had a major reality check. One that will stay with me for the rest of my life. 

Thankfully I have come out of the incident that happened at the Manchester arena physically unharmed, and I have never felt more grateful in my life. Having my friends safely by my side too I consider myself incredibly lucky. To then be surrounded by the best support group, I am utterly bless. 

The reason for writing is not for attention (I mean how can I be given attention if noone knows who I am). And if I wanted that I’d post to my social media accounts. No, the reason I’m writing this blog is that I’m hoping to get some kind of clarity. Push the feelings I’m holding on to and write them down. 

Truth is, I am numb. 

I have so many feelings going on inside; fear, sadness, anger, gratitude, guilt. Yet I also feel hollow. 

I feel like I should feel this way, I should be happy I lived to tell the tale. Though I hope you reading this never have to know what it’s like to be in a situation where the fear you have for your own life is instantly removed when you realise there are nothing but children around you. The sheer panic and fear in their eyes is something I will never forget. 

It’s only on reflection today did I realise how lucky I was. The exit that was targeted would have been my exit to leave that evening. It could have been me or my friends. To have the news talking about a terorist attack is always a awful thing to hear. I cannot describe what it’s like when they are commenting on something you were personally involved in. 

As I take the time to get my head around the situation and my emotions that follow. I ask that you all cast you minds to those who were not as lucky as I was. The children, the parents, all those that have lost their lives or are injured and currently fighting for theirs. No one should have to go through this. I would also like to give acknowledgement to the emergency services for their quick action and care during this ordeal. 

I have never been as proud to call myself a Mancunian ❤️

Advertisements

Hello…

I’ve sat looking at my screen for 5 minutes wondering how to start this.  so I decided to start with something as simple as a hello, and it got me thinking (always dangerous). 

Its strange how just one word can instantly improve someone’s day. 

We are all so consumed with what’s going on in our own minds (or more so, our phones) that we have simply lost connection with what’s going on around us. The world is a beautiful place to be, if we only take the time to look. 

You might be thinking at this point “how can hello mean that much to someone?” Well think about it. We all had that one kid in class that never spoke to anyone. No one ever spoke to them. Imagine what an hello could do for them. It could save their life…

Something to think about for today? 

Anyway, hello. 👋

You have probably guessed by now, why I called myself streamofconsciousness. 

As this is my first blog, I’ll try not to witter on too much, but I will briefly let you know what you’re most likely to find on my page. 

First and foremost, this blog is for me. If you enjoy / find what I write useful then great! If not then so be it. 

I will be using this to express my emotions on a social level, and yet still hide behind my screen. Maybe in the future I’ll be confident enough that I can put my face to these blogs, for now that’s all they are, words off a guy that struggles expressing his feelings. 

I will be mostly writing about my day to day life. The ups and downs as they come. 

My promises to myself, and to you the reader (if I have any 😂) :

  • I promise to be honest, no matter how hard it is to type the words. 
  • I promise to consciously try and blog once a week at least. Though, if not, when I really need to.

And lastly 

  • I promise to not be afraid. 

So if you decide to follow me through the crazy thing we call life then buckle up. We all know it’s not easy….

Streamofconsciousness